I’m Running Out of Time

Hey, you.

Yes, you. Come over here.

Now listen carefully, because you see – I’m running out of time.

Don’t you laugh at me and ruffle my hair like I’m kidding. I am serious as death right now.

I’m sorry. I thought I’d have more time because things were going along brilliantly and I was feeling so happy. I even started sleeping at night again. I felt absolutely wonderful.

But then I started waking up with the bruises and the nose bleeds, and I know that something’s not right.

Don’t worry, I’m not going to die. Not by a long shot. Only good people die young, anyway. So yes, you won’t be entirely rid of me, but I won’t be here anymore anyway.

I just wanted to tell you that it’s been great, this thing we’ve had, but it’s time for it to be over. It’s been doomed from the start anyway. You’re too good, too kind, too awesome…and I’m not. I am the opposite of everything that you are.

Don’t say anything. I know, I know what you’ve been thinking and I know what I’ve been reading between the lines. You like me, and it’s horrible of me to cut you down this way, but I can’t bring myself to say it in person.

If it’s any consolation, I feel the same way about you. It’s just…it’s not meant to be, okay? Some things, no matter how wonderful they are or how right they feel, are not meant to happen.

I am leaving, and in a sense I am saving you from being involved with me.

Now I need you to do a few things for me.

First, I want you to be free. Don’t spend any more of your time thinking about me, because you deserve all the good things in life, and I’m not one of them.

Secondly, I want you to be happy. Live, laugh, love. You are worthy of only the most joyous experiences, of the most marvellous people. Don’t let my memory hold you back.

And third, give me your blessing. If, in the future, we happen to meet again, I want it to be delightful reunion. I don’t want us to awkwardly turn away, pretending we didn’t see each other. I don’t want anxiety and dread. I would want us to be happy to see each other again. Please, at least grant me that.

I’m doing this because you’ve told me about all you want to do in life, all the things you plan to accomplish, and I want you to do all of them. Right now you’re spending too much time on me – which is flattering, but is doing nothing good to you at all. I’m trying to help you.

Lastly, please be okay. Whatever happens in life, now and in the future, I will always, always want you to be fine.

It was absolutely wonderful getting to know you. But now I have to go.

 

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